Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Greetings and salutations. Welcome to the sink.

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I was filling my cat’s water bowl yesterday morning when the sink spoke to me. Or, more accurately, wrote to me.

Now, I don’t expect you to just take my word for it. You don’t know me. I could have been tired, and imagining things. I could have a fanciful imagination. I could even be lying, inventing an interesting story so I’d have something to write about. But pictures don’t lie pictures taken by people who don’t know how to use Photoshop don’t lie. And so I present:

Don't tell me you don't see it!

If my sink has to be inhabited by a ghost, I’m glad it’s a friendly one.

(Editor’s note: The editor thinks it’s possible that ghosts exist, but does not truly believe that one is living in her sink. Unless the faucet goes on by itself. That might convince her.)

 

 

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Touché, universe.

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I was all set to post a poem in which I lamented my neighbor’s recent foray into early-morning carpentry, when, perhaps mistaking today for Halloween, the cosmos decided to play a trick on me. Along it sent what I can only imagine were the two loudest machines in existence to congregate outside my window. (Oh, and did I mention the guy in the tree?)  “Um, Wendy?” it said, not tapping me politely on the shoulder, but smacking me about the head. “That’s noise.”

 

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A quick bite

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On Sunday, I attended a bridal shower for my cousin’s fiancee, and afterwards went with family to a nearby diner. I’d never been to this particular diner, and was perusing the menu when I came across something that, two days later, still defies explanation. It was a dish called “a monkey of fries,” and I am soliciting opinions on what that could possibly, possibly mean.

The words and phrases phenomenon invades my subconscious

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They (whoever “they” are) say that you dream about what’s on your mind during waking hours. But despite the irrefutable evidence that, while awake, my thoughts often tend towards words and phrases I could live without, I’d never before had them cross my mind while sleeping. That is, until a few months ago.

In this dream, I was watching TV and a commercial came on. As the pitchman uttered the catchphrase, I groaned and mentally added it to my next list.

You may be wondering why I’m sharing this particular anecdote, and the reason is this: current and aspiring ad execs, I’m asking you, nay, beseeching you, to not use the phrase “pretzel me” in any campaign you may be planning. And if you find you just can’t help yourselves, well, at least give credit where it’s due: to my finely-tuned sense of word-and-phrase obnoxiousness.

While we’re on the subject of farm animals…

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I was heading to work on a particularly cold day a month or so ago when an older gentleman sitting near me on the bus struck up a conversation as I neared my stop. Noticing the small stuffed cow attached to my bag, he asked what the benefit of it was. “Uh, nothing,” I replied hesitantly. He then proceeded to tell me: “Well, there’s the milk, and then there’s the cow sh__…”

It was at this point that I decided against staying on the bus a stop longer than I usually do, possible frostbite being a preferable option to continuing this chat.