~Black Friday

~”He went to Jared!”

~Junk in the trunk

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Please bring the retailers of America calendars this year, as they seem to be under the mistaken impression that Christmas comes right after Halloween!

Love, November

//

~flash mob

~man-cave

~Occupy Wall Street (Not a commentary on the movement…other than to say that I’m tired of hearing about it.)

~zombie (this year’s vampire)

//

Now, I don’t expect you to just take my word for it. You don’t know me. I could have been tired, and imagining things. I could have a fanciful imagination. I could even be lying, inventing an interesting story so I’d have something to write about. But pictures don’t lie pictures taken by people who don’t know how to use Photoshop don’t lie. And so I present:

Don't tell me you don't see it!

If my sink has to be inhabited by a ghost, I’m glad it’s a friendly one.

(Editor’s note: The editor thinks it’s possible that ghosts exist, but does not truly believe that one is living in her sink. Unless the faucet goes on by itself. That might convince her.)

//

//

But in news that makes me even happier, the Chicago White Sox have hired my all-time favorite player, Robin Ventura, to be their new manager. From what I’ve been reading, White Sox fans seem about as happy as if I’d been named manager, but I’m thrilled. Baseball, and, at the risk of sounding overly rapturous, the world need more good guys.

//

Usually unnoticed

All I hear today

//

~jeggings (I’ve only come across this “word” two or three times, which is two or three times too many. It is a hybrid of jeans and leggings. Then there is the rarer but even worse ‘jorts,’ which is a combination of jeans and shorts.)

~”Jersey Shore”

~larva

~Too bad, so sad

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When writer’s block bedevils

You provide solace

If I can find the right words

I can do magic

In this dream, I was watching TV and a commercial came on. As the pitchman uttered the catchphrase, I groaned and mentally added it to my next list.

You may be wondering why I’m sharing this particular anecdote, and the reason is this: current and aspiring ad execs, I’m asking you, nay, beseeching you, to not use the phrase “pretzel me” in any campaign you may be planning. And if you find you just can’t help yourselves, well, at least give credit where it’s due: to my finely-tuned sense of word-and-phrase obnoxiousness.

To those who wait, but I’d like

The specifics, please

Exhaustion is your

Words constantly being met

With indifference

“First!” (as people inexplicably seem to like to say in response to Facebook posts)

game-changer

“I’mma…” (Thanks, Kanye.)

“Me likey.”

vampire (I’m sorry; I just don’t get the craze. Please don’t bite me. :))

“Woot!”

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I try to knock

But go unheard

http://www.worldautismawarenessday.org

It was at this point that I decided against staying on the bus a stop longer than I usually do, possible frostbite being a preferable option to continuing this chat.

~”It’s always the quiet ones.”

~loose (It just conjures up unpleasant images.)

~mellow

 ~”[Person] has forgotten more about [subject] than I’ll ever know.”

~Uggs

And a special reader request: “the American people” (as used by politicians who seem to think we are a single entity).

If you have a special reader request, you can e-mail me at leastlikelytoblog at hotmail.com.

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//

Thus concludes my most boring post ever. (Hey, what do you mean this wasn’t my most boring post ever?)

(The only difference is that this year, I’m not on vacation ’til next week.)

What’s that? Reruns are boring? Yeah. You’re right. Okay. Here’s a mini-poem:

Mother Nature, Mother Nature, why do you tease us so?

Last week a robin red-breast

Today a foot of snow!

catfight

Ed Hardy

guyliner

“I’d hit/tap that.”

meme

played in (as in, “Michael J. Fox played in “Back to the Future.”" No. He didn’t. He acted in it.)

Special reader request: reach out for

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For those who don’t like ambiguity, I will tell you that the disappearance of Rob’s friends remains unresolved, but this doesn’t detract from the story. Rob is a fully-drawn character who remains sympathetic as his life begins to unravel; his partner/closest friend, Cassie, who narrates the follow-up “The Likeness,” which I’ll be reading next, is also very likeable. Though the murder and its perpetrator are disturbing, it was the dissolution of Rob and Cassie’s friendship that I found most wrenching.

One year ago, I began this blog by telling you that I was a liar. (Update: I did become a Facebooker a few months ago. But I still have a plain old–emphasis on old– cell phone and no Twitter account– in other words, the crown and sash aren’t forthcoming.) As I mentioned, I’ve enjoyed getting back to my writerly ways, and I’m thrilled that there are people who seem to enjoy the results. (Yes, I have readers now! And commenters! And subscribers!) So, thank you, and the next time you come across an annoying word or phrase, I hope you’ll think of me.

I’m running out of sweaters

March 20th— come!

~ d_____bag

~ “I’m Team…”

~ mashup

~ skinny jeans

I feel like I’m forgetting something, which is almost as annoying as the aforementioned words and phrases.

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But, hey, I’m not a total New Year’s curmudgeon/Grinch/Scrooge: I do always enjoy saying, “See you next year!” even if I’ll see or talk to the person to whom I’m saying it in a few days.

Waiting for the cable guy

“He’ll be there ‘tween 12 and 4.”

Yet no footsteps have neared my door

I’ve bided my time with many a glare

And countless games of Solitaire

I got a call at 4:05

He’s running late, they apologized

His arrival should be within the half hour

The rep’s seeming sincerity made my mood a bit less sour

The phone rings again; he’s here at last!

While writing this post, the minutes have passed

So here’s a suggestion: to pass the time

Let out your frustration in a rhyme! 

I wish you a belated happy solstice

I wish you a belated happy Festivus

I wish you a merry Christmas

I wish you a happy Kwanzaa

I wish you a happy Boxing Day

And if I left anything out, tell me and I’ll remedy it next year

That on Monday, there will be no ode

To winter (as there was to fall before)

Because the cold I do abhor!

But pass the carrot bread, please.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Elsewhere (a high school in Massachusetts, to be precise) the word ‘meep’ has been banned.

And that is the latest from the world of words.

~ chill

~ holla!

~ hot mess

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To say that “House” doesn’t quite hit the heights of “Garden” is not at all an insult; I liked it very much. Grace, both in the early part of the 20th century and in 1999, is an engaging narrator and the story is suspenseful, with a tragic, haunting denouement.

“It’s your loss” often enough

Might I believe it?

~ Mark Twain

So poetic, and, for me, at least, so true.

But it could be worse

And that’s the point**

Of this silly verse 

* Probably the worst word you’ll ever #$%^ing see here.  ;)

** Also, I hadn’t written in a while.

Funnily, I don’t find it all that annoying, but perhaps that’s because I don’t encounter it in Valley Girl-ese.

The remaining wisps of daylight

Obscured by ancient trees

The soft chirping of insects

Provides ample company

~ for the win (or FTW)

~ I’m all about

~ It is what it is.

~ live out loud

~ pamper

At sunset’s painterly streaks

Of purple and pink

I shiver

Not at the majesty of nature

But at the blasted, blasting air conditioner

On despite the fall chill

The leaves have begun their downward dance

Forming mosaics on the ground

While upward

Float memories:

Of a recipe for cranberry muffins

And a rare New York hurricane

My warm, soft quilt of patches

Strange dreams fill my head

And become bewitched by words

Actions are louder

~ made of win

~ ‘shippers

~ squee

Sparks a distant memory

Wondrous is the mind

And its soft, early shadows

Hint at mysteries

 As a reader/ librarian’s daughter/someone who believes in, you know, personal decisions,  I do not look too kindly upon those who would ban books. And, often, the books that come under objection are ones that most of us would see as completely innocuous. I can just imagine (cue dream sequence music):

Innocuous book: “The Tale of Peter Rabbit”

Imaginary book-banner: “Rabbits who can speak?! Clearly they’ve made a deal with the devil!”

Innocuous book: “Goodnight, Moon”

Imaginary book-banner: “Saying goodnight to the moon? Obviously a pagan ritual.”

Innocuous book: “The Cat in the Hat”

Imaginary book-banner: “Duh. Everyone knows cats are in league with witches.”

Looking at some of the books on this list of the 100 Most-Frequently Challenged Books from 1990-2000, though, I’m not sure how far-fetched my jokey scenarios are. I’ve read many of these books (my beloved “A Wrinkle in Time” is included), most of them when I was a child, and at least so far, there have been no ill effects.

Feel free (freedom is good!) to share your thoughts/add satirical excoriations of unobjectionable books.

That passed me by

Or was it I

That passed it?

“Revenge of the Spellmans,” by Lisa Lutz, is the third in a series of humorous mysteries focusing on Isabel Spellman, P.I., and her family. It was an enjoyable read, as all the books have been, but I thought “Curse of the Spellmans,” the second book, was funnier and had a better mystery. 

~ mom jeans

~ put on your big boy/big girl pants

//

Disposable

A paper napkin

To be used

And casually tossed aside

I am smart

And funny and kind

I am cloth

WordPress has partnered with a company called SocialVibe, through which sponsors donate to various charities. (Click here for complete details.) Now, what am I asking you to do? Just glance over to the sidebar, on the left-hand side of the page, and scroll all the way down, until you see a large rectangular box marked ‘SocialVibe.’ Click on the ‘help now’ button, and, just by clicking, money will be donated to the Whaleman Foundation, which helps whales and dolphins. Thank you!

Wendy

Funny, creative, smart

Writing, drawing, walking

Shy

I feel sure

I can do more than I did

The day before

And then I wake

And then I find

Nothing has changed

But my mind

The birds chirp furiously

What are they saying?

Water did the ceilings

But who will clean

Me up?

All others have found their way

I see it now

Stand, to be noticed

But remain unseen

And left once more to wait

http://leastlikelytoblog.wordpress.com/2009/02/22/words-i-could-live-without/

http://leastlikelytoblog.wordpress.com/2009/03/13/words-i-could-live-without-the-sequel-now-with-a-bonus-phrase/

http://leastlikelytoblog.wordpress.com/2009/04/16/words-and-a-phrase-i-could-live-without-now-its-a-trilogy/)

~ baby bump (You might think, judging by my post titles, that I’d never met an alliteration I didn’t like. Wrong! ;))

~ Book/movie titles containing the phrase “Confessions of a…”

~ jump the shark (Funnily, “jump the shark” long ago…jumped the shark! It’s so meta!)

~ meta ;)

Okay, readers– your turn.

//

He performs sleight-of-hand

Wide-eyed, we regard

The dove’s fluttering wings

The rabbit’s wiggling nose

Only in New York

…

…

Yeah. I have writer’s block.

The words will explode

Like fireworks from my mouth

Crackling, vivid

Against the formerly silent sky

Much like “When…,” “Case Histories” focuses on intertwining stories of crime; though the coincidences bothered me a bit, I ultimately decided that I liked the “we’re all connected”-ness of them. Also as with “When…,”  the characterizations shone – Atkinson is so good at capturing humanness.  I also admire her ability to alternate between humor– I literally laughed out on several occasions– and heartache– I also cried on several occasions.

I did leave the book with some unanswered questions–or maybe, more accurately, things I’d liked to have seen explored further– but, even more than that, I left with a sense of hope.

*I know that the map thingy (yes, I prefer ‘thingy’ to ‘widget’ ;)) currently says that there were 403 views, but their counting period seems to be different than WordPress’s. Just wanted to let you know I’m not padding my totals. ;)

The mist tickles my nose

Strokes my forehead

Dots my ears

Home now

I sit in the dark

Listening to the rain pat the windows

And smile

Returning to my writerly ways is, I think, beneficial for me. I’m someone who’s not very comfortable revealing her innermost thoughts, and while you can see that I haven’t done much of that here, the fact that I’m letting little bits and pieces peek through is a good thing, as is the joy I find in, as I like to say, ‘crafting sentences.’

Swirl and dance

Enveloping me in their hushed glow

The birds fairly shout

But I have yet

To conk out!

(Previous early-morning verse can be read here and here.)

I appreciate your thinking of me. I really do. But I’m afraid that right now isn’t the best time for me to purchase your wares, even at your undoubtedly tres bien prices. Perhaps when the economy is a bit better, or I grow a male appendage. Merci beaucoup!

~ frenemy

~ hater

~ just that/not that into

As always, please feel free to add words and/or phrases you could live without in the comment section. Oh, and here is the original post, and here’s the sequel.

//

To say

But time flies

Flies

Away

As she arose

Reflecting on the simple pleasure

Of breathing through one’s nose

(See previous post for explanation.)

Yes, spring is, at long last, here. I was all set to wax poetic about it, but I was struck last night by a bad cold, and now I rather feel as if my head is filled with wax. So, maybe in a few days, when I’m feeling better. And it isn’t snowing.

So get your short-sleeved shirts ready, because spring is (unofficially) here. :)

~ fanboy/-girl

~ Twitter

Also see:

Words I could live without

Words (and a phrase) I could live without: now it’s a trilogy!

//

~bromance

~cougar (and I don’t mean the animal)

~tweens (especially in reference to Sasha Obama. She’s seven–a little girl!)

Feel free to add words you could live without in the comments, and also check out:

Words I could live without: the exciting sequel (Now with a bonus phrase!)

Words (and a phrase) I could live without: now it’s a trilogy!

//

I was literally restless Thursday night into Friday– I absolutely could not sleep. I finally got a few hours’ worth in the late afternoon/early evening (I had this week off, luckily), but not only did my sleeplessness torpedo my plans for yesterday, it seems determined to continue to wreak havoc, as I am still awake, head a-pounding.

But that’s not what this post is about. Over the past few years, I’ve just had these periods of restlessness, of feeling that there was something I should be doing, something new I should be seeing. Maybe photography will prove to be the something.

(Hmm–I guess sleep-deprivation makes me let down my privacy shield a bit. :))

~ I am not a big movie person. Yes, TV, as you’ve no doubt gleaned, is my preferred form of moving-image entertainment. But I love a good worst list. This one is about the worst sequels of all time– in one man’s opinion, anyway.

~ This is why it pays to know a foreign language.

~Now I have my camera.

~This sounds like a great charity.

Three years ago today.

~A-Rod admitted his steroid use. Is he telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I have my doubts. And if “honesty,” as he stated over and over again, is so important, then, uh, why wasn’t he honest until he had to be? And if “this is [his] fault,” then why is he acting like it’s Selena Roberts’s?

No, really. Did you?

I’m rather curious to see what punny headlines will grace the papers tomorrow. (“A-nabolic” was the first thing that came to my mind.)

(A-ddendum: A rather uninspiring collection: A-Roid, A-Fraud, A-R*d. Come on, guys (gals?), you can do better than that!)

You know, I wish that the Dodgers and Giants would reject him already. “25 million isn’t enough? Okay. Guess you’ll have to find something else to do from April through October, then. I hear embroidery is fun.”

I’m not sure it would have an impact on him, though. Worse, it would mean that the Manny-to-Mets speculation/pleading would never end. (Million Manny March?!)

(I also liked the part about the undeclared eggplant. :D)

The ending is funny… Teleflora.com: Box of Flowers

The ending isn’t particularly funny…but the rest is pretty amusing: Hulu: Alec Baldwin

Most clever: Monster.com: Moose

Most heartstring-tugging: Budweiser: Clydesdale generations

Most visually creative: Coca Cola: Bugs; Coca-Cola: Strangers

Would have been most clever if not for the koala-punching: Careerbuilder.com: It’s time

Creepiest: SoBe: NFL Ballerinas   

Dumbest: Doritos: Lucky Day; Pepsi: MacGruber  

Most likely to make intelligent women cringe: GoDaddy.com: Enhanced  

Most likely to make me feel like I need to shower (in other words, ickiest): Taco Bell: Smooth Moves 

Most likely to make me turn down the volume: Hyundai: Global Domination     

Most pretentious (faux-pretentious?): Heineken: Vanguard    

Most “wow” inducing: Cash4Gold.com  (Addendum: Looks like Cash4Gold has bigger problems than cheesy commercials.)

~So, ABC deems Wipeout Bowl 1: Cheerleaders vs. Couch Potatoes worthy of airtime, but not the last three episodes of Pushing Daisies?

~For some reason, I am unable to post a blogroll, so I’ll mention my new favorite website (mentalfloss.com) here. Trivia quizzes and fascinating facts? How did I not know about this before a couple of months ago?!

And with that, I am going to go eat vegetable lasagna.

As for my newly acquired weight (see my last post), I’m still filled with unease when I think about it. But whereas Monday and into yesterday it was the whole book, now it’s been reduced to a subplot.

To be started later, on my way to work: Kate Atkinson’s “When Will There Be Good News?” When indeed, Kate.

Now I just have to get a camera– you know, a non-high-tech one. ;)

From xkcd.com via Cute Overload.

1) I am a very private person. (Sorry, no salacious revelations here. I am not a salacious kind of girl. :))

2) I kind of hate the word blog. (Don’t even get me started on ‘vlog.’ Shudder.)

3) I really question if anyone particularly cares that I love toast or that it smelled like Flintstones vitamins in the first floor hallway of my building last week. (Though I do, and it did.)

4) I got my first– and only– cell phone three years ago. I don’t I.M. You won’t find me on Facebook or MySpace, and I just don’t get Twitter. What I’m saying is, I’m not going to win the Miss High Tech pageant any time soon.

So why am I doing this? I guess the main reason is that, at heart, I’m a writer.

//